First of all, I really need to get a faster computer. It took me several minutes to get to this post page!!! I just returned from running errands. We are throwing a bachelorette party this weekend for my cousin, Shar, and I had to get a few provisions - plastic plates, silverware, cups, oh, and Vodka. I am in charge of making Elk Creeks. That is - orange juice, gin, vodka, lime juice (and everclear if ya really want to party!) It is a specialty drink served exclusively at Sandy's Bar here in Lincoln. Boy, I sure have a lot of good stories from that place; but I won't go there. At least not tonight.

As I was shopping, I could feel a huge sense of dread. I stopped in my tracks once I realized this and thought about where this feeling was coming from. It hit me that I had told myself that after shopping, I had to go work out at the gym. I really didn't want to. I decided not to. I felt better. Wow, that was simple. I realized I hate working out - at least in the manner in which I have been doing so. I have been lifting weights, doing aerobics and stairmaster. The stairmaster really isn't so bad, but honestly, I hate lifting weights and doing aerobics. I use to love to - I think. Who knows if I really did, or just thought I should. In any event, at this point in my life, it doesn't make me happy, so I will now cease. Don't get me wrong, I want to exercise, but I need to find something that I enjoy, or at least don't dread. Walking. I like to walk. From now on, I will take long walks in the evening and call it good. I realized that the whole Brainsponge philosophy requires that I take a good look at what to keep and what to throw away. First Squeeze - I can't tell you how much better I feel.

My therapist once told me I was "like a sponge". It was after she figured out that I was applying a cousin's failing marriage to my own relationship. Using the sponge analogy, I realized then that she was absolutely right. I tend to absorb everyone's life around me, and apply it to my own, whether good or bad. After I realized this, I immediately felt better, and did not need to return to therapy. Until now... Eight months later, I realize I have once again made all the same mistakes. This time, though, I have managed to hurt someone very special to me. The entries that follow will be my attempt to analyze my sponge-like tendancies and come to terms with who I am and what should and should not affect me. In essence, I will try to figure out what to absorb, and what to squeeze out. Welcome to Brainsponge