I have been volunteering in mens' prisons as a group facilitator and now an instructor for five years. Most people, while admitting they could never do it, find it admirable. But I also know there are others who feel like it is perhaps not my place or a waste of my time. I can't explain why I feel called to work alongside this population, but I just do. It is similar, maybe, to why one feels compelled to go on mission trips or work with children-at-risk. It is a population that needs love and support. Some may think that those who inflict harm on others and refuse to obey society's laws do not deserve love and support, but I heartily disagree - I think the need just as much, if not more, than the rest of us. It is something I learned from my leader, the one whom I will follow before all else - Jesus Christ.
I have encountered all types of men in prison. Some are repentant, others are not, some say they are but don't mean it. Others profess their innocence and adamantly declare they are not sorry for what they've done because "They deserved it!" or "I haven't done anything!" But often if you have any intuition at all, you can sense that they are longing for true understanding. They need others to understand them, and they need to understand themselves. That may be all it takes. And there are others that scare me and my intuition tells me that they truly are ok with the harm they've done and they truly don't care. All I can do for them is hope and pray that someday someone will cross their path with the right words and actions to open their eyes. And my prayer is one more prayer than they were getting the day before.
And as a woman, I know the dangers. I can see how women fall in love with these men - some are quite charming. But I've learned a lot and I know that I will not make any difference whatsoever if I am weak to flattery and attempt to change hearts by using my own human understanding. I know I have to been an extension of Jesus' hand so that is what I ask of my Lord - to guide me and protect me while doing HIS work. And sometimes, I get a little confirmation.
What follows is excerpt from a homework assignment written by a man in my Leadership class.
"I want to thank you for this class. It has helped me tremendously in my growth as a leader. Surprisingly, it has helped me in other ways that I didn't realize it would help me in. I don't know how else to put this except to just be honest about it. When I got arrested and put into jail and subsequently sent to prison, my mindset about women was bad. They were just objects to me. Most of my female "friends" were just there to be used. I held onto this thought process until just this year. I've had the opportunity to be around two strong-willed Christian women that really taught me to look past physical things and to truly look at them as people. The first was my boss at recreation. We had many talks about God and our faith and that was the beginning of the breakthrough I really needed. She would bring in daily devotional bible verses she had and I would bring her mine to read while we were at work. It was a very good thing at the time. I look back on it and know that God put her in my life to truly help me through some things. I do think that God answered another prayer when you helped me with my last group and we got to talk a few times. Going back to when you told your story, that showed my actions had consequences with the victims I created. I made a conscious decision to change my ways and see women in a different light. Going through this class has helped me more than you would ever know. It showed me things about myself that I need to look out for and truly what I need to do to get to be the best man/husband/father I can be in the future. This class gave me the opportunity to see a good idea of what to look for in life. Not only as a leader, but as a son to my parents, friend to my friends, brother to my younger brother and the best husband I can be to my future wife, father to my future kids and leader to those I have a chance to influence in the future of life an love. My priorities in what I look for in a future wife has changed as well. I know that I want a Christian woman who loves the Lord and is strong-willed. I don't know why or for what reason I was compelled to write this, but I knew I couldn't leave this class without writing it. Just like I knew I had to write about my crime and what was going through my head then, I knew I had to write this one as well. I want to say thank you for allowing me to open up through the homework and the classes and for the advice and inspiring words that you gave to me. I honesty wish we could continue this class. Being able to open up and not be judged by someone all the time is nice. But I thank God for even the short amount of time we had in this class."
