Better and better. The heartbreak contractions have lessened both in frequency and intensity. I feel myself getting closer to the birth of my new life. Things seem clear and real. The clearest of all, though, is knowing how much work I have to do on myself - alone. This is a scary thought, but I'm ready and willing to delve into my personal issues first so that the next relationship, if not perfect, will at least be better. When it comes to relationships, these are my fears:

1. Abandonment (4 major deaths between ages 6 and 17)
2. Competition (middle child syndrome? possible ugly duckling syndrome)
3. Neglect (loving, affectionate father dies; unemotional, unavailable mother remains)

Don't get me wrong, I will not complain once about my life. I am blessed beyond belief. It's just time to deal with all those things that hurt me way back when so I don't continue to let them interfere with my future happiness. Easier said than done, but I will choose to believe I can do this.