Woke up angry this morning and was happy about that. It means I'm entering another phase of this break up. I've spent the last week and a half in the first two stages: shock and hope. I've been blaming myself for everything, feeling unattractive, worthless and evil. This morning, though, instead of missing all those things I loved about Lathen, I was pissed off at everything he wasn't and led me to believe he was and because he is taking everything away that he said was mine. Maybe he doesn't mean to, but still... Yeah, I messed up - a lot. I did some unforgivable things, but damn it! That's what happens when girls like me are lonely, when you don't talk to us, don't want to touch us or make love to us. I feel like I was always myself with him. He knew how I felt, what I wanted, what I needed. I really believe I communicated these things to him. Effectively, maybe not, but I tried. But who was he? A tender-hearted soul, yes, but I think all he ever told me he needed was freedom to do as he pleased, but I wouldn't let him. No, I wouldn't let him when it hurt me, but only then. Is that too much to ask? But why did these things hurt me? This is what I must ask myself.