Despite the good vibrations from Mike and C.Leigh, I did suffer a temporary setback last night as I returned "home" to pack my cat and all my clothes and transport them to the new abode. Long to short, I purposely entered the house knowing Lathen would be there getting ready for work. I did want to see him, not for the pathetic questioning of his choices like last time, but to experience my own sadness and for one last hug. It was hard, but I know deep down we are doing the right thing. As much as I want to hate the guy, he has brought so much to my life that before I had not known. Ours was perhaps the first relationship where I was treated as I felt I deserved to be. That is, I felt loved, respected and cherished, at least for the first year and a half. It hurts knowing most of the last year we were, in fact, growing apart and were merely attempting to play the role of boyfriend/girlfriend. But you can't say we didn't try. But the cold facts are these: We both have big fat voids in our lives, huge, undealt-with issues from painful childhoods. I think the biggest challenge for both of us will be learing to love and respect ourselves and value our worth. I'm going to try so damn hard to get there, but all I can do is hope and pray for him to do the same. He has the potential if he could only see it. So from this point on, I will forgive myself and him for all we did and did not do that contributed to our failed realationship - squeeze. I will cherish how our relationship has made us grow - absorb, absorb - and work on moving past both. Setbacks will be permitted and forgiven. See me?I'm positive!