Back to the ol' roller coaster. My life. It seems that if only I could put some sort of barrier between my head and my heart, I'd be ok. Cold and unfeeling, but ok. Nah, I kind of like how I am, except lately my moods have seemed a bit unpredictable. I guess I should catch up from last Thursday... Friday was typical. I once again played Bunco and left the party with the top prize. Who knew my hidden talent was rolling dice?! The best part of the night, however, was the big thunderstorm! I love those. absorb. Saturday, Lathen and I rose and shone at 8:30 to join all the die-hard Husker fans (of which we are not the "die hard" but just the ordinary variety) at the stadium for a live broadcast of an ESPN Sports something-or-other. We even donned red attire for the occassion. And, yes, the University of Nebraska did break the college attendance record. I guess that was the goal. Lathen worked from 12 to 12, leaving me with no other option than to, you know, go out with my friends and drink before, during and after the Nebraska/Notre Dame Game here in town. It was a very exciting day. As I walked to Barry's to meet my friends, the traffic was so that for a split second I was reminded of the streets of NYC. Then I realized that the streets I was walking on were actually garbage-free and I could feel the sun on my face as opposed to the shadow of a skyscraper. Regardless of the excitement, however, I drove home in sadness, realizing that I was not really as happy as I must have appeared to all the drunken people I was around that night. I recognized right then that by spending every weekend this way I was doing more harm than good. As I have said on numerous occasions - I'm not 22 anymore. Gone are the days of singledom and that's good. Please don't get me wrong, I'm all for the occasional drunkfest, but I'm burnt out. If I'm to continue with this pasttime, I at least want my partner to be there with me, to hold me up as I stumble down the street, or vice versa. I miss Lathen on these nights. The fact that he's not there but always working is getting harder for me as I wish for a more meaningful life. Luckily, and as if the universe heard my cries, Lathen walked through the door within minutes of my arriving home; and after a long heart-to-heart, I slept more a bit more content than I expected. Sunday turned out to be another ride on the emotional choo-choo for me. We took the dogs to my mom's farm to run and, sitting on the deck I.., well, I quite simply burst into tears. And when my mom sat beside me and asked what was wrong, all I could reply was "I don't know". She figured it was hormones. Maybe she's right. My brother and sister (and their signifs) also witnessed this scene. Don't worry about them, though, they've grown to appreciate all my moods; and I think they still kind of like me most of the time. I've always been the proverbial "sensitive child". I was ok after I ate lunch. Hmmmmm. So... to make a long weekend short, I was in and out of sanity.. I laughed, I cried, but you better believe I survived.