Desperately seeking insight! As such, I decided to once again tap into my online tarot source. This time I asked for more insight into my current annoying, unsettling, anxious feelings. The Wheel of Fortune card was drawn stating:

"When the Wheel of Fortune is in this position, your circumstances may be constantly fluctuating. The immediate future seems uncertain, so who can fault you for feeling a bit overwhelmed or confused. Do not take it personally -- a force may be present that is beyond your power to manipulate. Think of this energy as the great washing machine of life. If you put up with the churning, the rinse cycle and the final tumble, then everything will be resolved when it's over. Still, it is a challenge to keep your composure. The part of you that prefers control feels helpless. What an uncomfortable feeling, not knowing when or where the wheel is going to stop. Wait and watch, and as you do, try to absorb and understand the process. Now is not the time to make any definite decisions."

There............. you.............. go.

Does this ever happen to you... A complete stranger walks into your day and gives and undeniable new hope faith in the presence of God? This has happened to me 3 times in my life, but it happened again today. I am alone at the office and an old man comes in. I have never seen or heard of him before, but his is a client, supposedly needing to sign some papers. I search the whole office for this file, but find nothing. He says that is ok, but before leaving holds out his hand saying "here is something to get you through your day". A hand full of tootsie rolls. I said thank you and have a good day. He looked me right in the eye and said "my days are always good. Yours are, too." Unconsequential? Maybe to most people, but not to me. Not only did his words make me feel good, but the tootsie rolls! I have never once boughten them, even though I loooove them. But throughout my life, the most influential people have always given me tootsie rolls. Everyone from my first love, to my grandpa, to my favorite teachers, to my last love. Tootsie Rolls. I guess you may think I'm crazy, maybe I am.

As further proof of my nuttiness, I did an online tarot reading today asking for my focus for today. The Judgment card was drawn stating this: "with Judgment in this position, it appears that you are either accidentally or intentionally heading towards an encounter with some catalytic force that may transform your personality. Your sense of identity is being reformed. A sense of reunion may prevail because all the individuals pictured on this card are incarnations of the same soul meeting in a timeless place. You are uniting with your various selves. As you assimilate all of your fragments into a larger sense of self, you will become a more whole person--deeper, wiser and more universal. Trust this clear channel of being and the response it evokes in others."

Accordingly, this constant sense of mild anxiety and emptiness may have validity. It makes sense that I feel detached from almost everyone in my life right now. But my hope is to get to a point where I can let everyone in again, maybe even some new people.