The most amazing thing happened yesterday. Mike and I went to our second midwife appointment and we got to hear the heartbeat. It probably doesn't sound like much to anyone not attached to this baby, but it was the most wonderful, perfect sound I have ever heard. Friends and family have told me in years past of hearing their baby's heartbeat, but it never meant a thing to me. I now know that it's something to live for. I'm already so proud of my child for being only two inches long and yet having such a strong heartbeat. It's crazy to think that just a year ago, I was making myself comfortable with the idea that I may have to wait years and years to marry and have a baby. Now, over the course of just a couple months, Im getting everything 'I've ever wanted. And within the next couple years, I will officially have a family. How happy am I!

Grapefruit... I realize I haven't written for a long time now. I've been a bit uncreative for reasons unknown. I still can't honestly say I feel like writing right now, but I am anyway, just to see what will come out. It may be because for the first time in my adult life, I'm seeing the world through sober eyes. I haven't had a drink in over three months now. This is an unheard-of event looking at the past ten years of my life. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, I must say it is a bit scary. In the past, I would go have a drink after a bad day, after a good day, when I was bored, when I was scared, when I was happy. You name it; it was cause for a drink. I know now that it was a major part of my life and my way of coping with life. I have this little two-inch fetus to thank for helping me see this. Do I miss the feelings of drunkeness? Yes! But there are other feelings that I'm experiencing that are foreign and strange. They are the feelings of peace. They are the feelings that everything really is ok. They are non-panic feelings and although it may sound strange, they're scary as hell for someone like me who has lived on the adrenaline of one chaos after another since the age of six. I'm still in haitus. Thinking that really is ok, too, for now. I'm just getting started on "the great american novel" and...... I'm picking wedding dates!! We have it narrowed down to September or October, 2003... stay tuned. Otherwise, Mike and I have been painting the house, enjoying the boat and spending a lot of time doing things like 10-year reunions, graduations and the latest family tragedies, first mom sprains her foot after a fall and then, ... little brother Levi was in a car accident and broke his arm yesterday. Mike and I drove mom down to Tecumseh where he lay in a hospital bed. He's ok, but I couldn't stop myself from picturing it ending up much worse. But mostly, I'm in great anticipation of the baby. I'm becoming very impatient and feel that seven more months is way too long to wait. But there's nothing I can do but wait, and eat. By the way.. my uterus is now the size of a grapefruit. I love telling people that.