Tenth floor at the Sheraton in Indianapolis. Aching from surgery earlier this week, adapting to new meds, and pondering the words of my therapist from yesterday's appointment - "Mollie, you need to let go of the 'shoulds'!"
It's true. At the end of the day my thoughts go to the things I 'should have' done or 'need' to do the next day, or completely shut everything out and go into non-reality fantasy mode. Which is not always bad, but I go there too often. I would like to learn how to enjoy the moment a little better.
Part of my therapy session also brought to mind how the 'shoulds' are taking priority over the 'wants.' Meaning, I have stopped doing many things that I actually want to do - the things I enjoy. Like carefree time with Mike, traveling, writing here, and reading, and taking walks, and going to the prison, and singing, and yes, Zumba. All of these things have been replaced by laundry, bills, work, school, kids events, grocery shopping, Dr. appointments, therapy...
This comes along with wifedom and parenthood, I know this. And I also realize that we are all called to selfless living. My relationship with the Lord has grown tremendously over the past few years. So much so that the posts from even a few years ago seem like they were written by another person. But no, it's still me. Bringing God back into my life has changed me. I look at things differently. Sometimes I think it would be easier not to know Him. Perhaps in some ways that is true, but I am so glad I do because Jesus is truly the love of my life, and God is the only thing I truly trust, and the thought of how much He loves me and all He has done for me is the most wonderful feeling and it brings me to my knees. And I know now that the call to suffering is a great privilege. I am happy, thankful and full of joy knowing about my future in Heaven. So I will accept my earthly struggles and trust that He will never let me down.
