So here's today's morning, spread out on my table. Of course, saying hello to God is priority, although I often fail to give Him all he deserves. I only pray he knows my desire to please Him and the human flaws that hinder me, and that He helps me conquer them. He's done so much already, but much more to do.
But my earthly chores are just as lacking in attention. Today I'm sitting here to catch up on email, deleting and unsubscribing to all the crap and focusing on the important messages with information from teachers, coaches, and leaders of various other groups to which I belong. Each of these messages requires focus to detract all the relevant information so I can add another line to my TO-DO list and/or event to my calendar. When I finish, I feel overwhelmed!
Next I have to think about my kitchen. Are the dishes done? Is the floor swept? Most importantly, do I have any decent food to feed my family... because... you know... they have to eat to live. And they have to eat healthy to flourish. And I'm a bad mom if they aren't piling in the fruits and veggies, right? Well, I AM a good mom, but I hate to make meals. I just do. They stress me out!
Then it's time to think about how I am going to manage my time today? I have a long list of things I WANT to do, and an even longer list of things I NEED to do. Today, for instance: grocery store, Dr. appt., pack. I may have time for it all, but darn, none of those things are fun! When will I get to take a walk, or pop in on a friend, or read, or dance, or..... maybe later this afternoon. But oh, yeah, I gotta get the kids at 2:30, which means stopping whatever I'm doing, driving to school, waiting in the lot for the kids, waiting for my turn to exit the parking lot, and the fun drive home (actually the drive home IS usually fun. My kids are hilarious!)
Then at home - snacks, stat! (more food planning on my part - aaaaack!) homework, a long list of verbal demands, questions and whines. I need new clothes! How many ISIS members are in our town? Can I have a friend over? Why? I'm so bored!
Evening brings either peace or more chaos. Some nights are filled with neighborhood friends filling the house and yard, others with practice and/or games (sometimes all of this at once), but then there are nights with nothing going on. And it's beautiful. These are the exact types of nights that terrified me when I was young and single. I longed for a husband and family. And I got it, and I love it. But sometimes, I admit, I long to be young and single again... just for a day, or week... or month, tops! But I know that if I ever lost what was right here in my house, driving me crazy, sucking my energy (and wallet), making me scream and yell at things that really aren't a big deal but after a whole day of endless service... to scream is better than to run out the door, down the street, and out of your life. I do often have the urge to do that, but these are mere moments caused by human emotions of a spoiled woman who, in those moments, forgets how good she's got it, and how little she deserves it.
My husband has been working in Nebraska for a month. He will be there for yet another month. I miss him, but I have found this time of responsibility with my children to be so rewarding, I think I've certainly grown. I am not working or teaching any of my beloved Zumba classes during this time. My only commitments are classes at the prison and jail. But every day, my mind goes to single parents and what a struggle it must be. Here I have the privilege of being able to focus on my kids and home, and I still end up exhausted at the end of the day. I believe this is from the sheer emotional toll of knowing you are totally responsible for the physical well-being of little humans. When Mike is here, he picks up my slack and vice versa. But experiencing it on my own, I can only imagine the constant emotional sacrifices of single parents. And I commend you and add you to my prayers. Not everyone steps up like this. Your sacrifice will bring you much glory!
